In all honesty, leaving isn't the scary part, it's what I'm going to make of my time that is. Over the last few months, I have been mentally preparing for my upcoming adventure, and it is almost here. Now that I'm a month out, it seems perfect to write down some goals and intentions so I can look back in a few months and see if I was able to follow through.
Accept the Unknown
I don't expect everyone to love to travel, but I recently had a conversation with a friend and I think it's important for others to hear. I went to highschool in a suburb 40 minutes outside of Chicago but until I was 12 I was born and raised in downtown Chicago. I was taught to be open minded, explore and enjoy the process of the unfamiliar. While I realize some kids aren't as lucky in that sense and live in a bubble such as Vernon Hills, that doesn't mean you can't change. This friend of mine has been to the city dozens of times, but for some reason, this last time there was a fear. Yes the city is dangerous, but so is every city. If you let the fear of traveling or exploring capture you, you'll always be stuck in your small town. I am not saying jump on the next flight to Asia but just because someone might be raised in a bubble doesn't mean that the world outside is bad.
A big part of me is terrified about leaving everything and everyone I know, but I also know that I will create a new everything in Thailand. It's going to be unfamiliar, it's going to have times where I am so far out of my comfort zone, I will want to hide. But if I didn't take this jump, I know I would regret it for the rest of my life. I have basically no idea how to teach 5th grade, or how to speak Thai. But I'll figure it out. “It'll all work out.” Such a basic thing to say but it's what Camille used to say to me whenever I was having my “everything is falling apart” moments. And she is right, everytime I feared for the worst, it all ended up working out. If I let the panic of all the what ifs consume me, I would never leave my house again. But I just know that It Will All Work Out.
Say Yes to Alone Time
I like to think of myself as a traveler, not a vacationer. But I'm also a young girl and part of me still cares about how I'm perceived. I'm taking this journey alone though and I can't rely on friends to travel with me all the time. In most of Thailand, the people eat out at the markets or restaurants. I have now gone to dinner alone once in my life, where I sat there and enjoyed myself without feeling like I was being judged. The thought came up while I was eating but I just had to realize that everyone was so focused on their own table, no one noticed I was alone. During this next year, I am going to be alone a lot but that does NOT give me the excuse to not leave my apartment. I am determined to go on at least one solo trip a month and eat by myself once a week if not more. I know I am going to meet people and will not be entirely alone but I am tired of feeling that if you're alone you're weird and friendless. That's not true in the slightest and I want to embrace being with myself and my thoughts.
Look Good Feel Good
Thailand is known for amazing food, amazing healthy food might I add. And I'm definitely not in highschool anymore, so I need to stop treating my body like I am. Over the last few years I've struggled with my image, gaining weight and then losing a little too much. I want to stop having this constant battle with myself. So over this next year, I am setting the intention to take a mindful walk everyday, not just to school or the store but around the city, the town, the market. Just a 30 minute walk everyday where I can learn about my new home, learn about myself or just reflect and relax. I've been clinging to my “when I was 16 I ate a donut and a bag of chips every morning and never gained a pound” body for far too long and it's time to start listening to my body.
My Body My Temple
I've also been very relaxed about taking care of my skin and teeth because I don't know, I was lazy or figured it would just fix itself. And I'm not implying that Thailand is going to fix it, but I started a night routine about a month ago and I intend to keep it up. It's 5-10 minutes at the end of the night, I can get off my lazy bones and take care of myself. I recently read something that talked about your body screaming for help and recently I've been feeling that in my hair, my feet, my skin, every inch of our bodies needs to be taken care of so why ignore it. Along with taking a walk everyday and maintaining a nightly routine, I want to move through my body. Whether it's 5 minutes of yoga or meditation or taking a bath after a long day. I want to listen to my body.
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